Happy with your lot.

It was only a matter of time until I came back with an angsty post.

Why is it so difficult for some people to just enjoy what’s in front of them? Why do they always want more without appreciating what’s there? Why is it that they are allowed to put down things they broke themselves? “This crap isn’t working” is such an easy excuse, but what if it’s because the person just didn’t handle with care and affection at the beginning? 

Nice things are nice to have, but do you even know how to appreciate them?

In other news, I am engaged! Someone wants to spend the rest of their life with me!

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thoughts on winter breaks

You always hear about doctoral students not being able to write, and you always think, “pfft, that’s not a thing, right?” Well, it is. Writing is difficult. Being motivated is difficult. You want to finish, you want to be done with whatever requirement you have to do in order to get to what you really want to do, but there’s something in the way. I’m still trying to figure out what it is. I can’t say I didn’t have time because frankly, I had a whole month to work on something. I chose to spend that time watching all the TV programs I could and sleeping odd hours of the day. I did some work, but I was not proud of the amount of productivity (or lack of). I walked away from the break rested, but feeling quite guilty and ashamed. I always thought breaks were supposed to help you relax, get away from the stress, and feel refreshed to start again. Instead, I came back feeling terrible.

How do I come back from this? — As I do after every break — work my butt off during the semester. BRING IT ONNNNN!!!!!!! maybe.

sports events and lack there of

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Roma. C. 2008. I will find the exact name and location of this church.

It’s been some time since I’ve attended a sports event, and I am pretty bummed by that fact. I actually wanted to watch an FCDallas game, but never made the effort. They’re in the play-offs (yay!), but with that the matches are always TBD. I wanted to watch a Rangers game this season to realize today that they only have one more game left, which determines whether or not they play in the World Series. It’s now (American) football season (not a fan) and hockey season. The one hockey match I want to watch and I don’t have willing goers. Note to self: go find other people.

Classic story: I should be working on an assignment/paper, but I’m not because I am an amazing student. I think I’m burnt out, but I can’t be because there are plenty of assignments, projects, studies, PRESENTATIONS, and lectures to do and I just have to keep going. Friends have advised that we’ll adapt, but when?

People are starting to plan events for the holidays or birthdays, and they’re freaking me out. I get so tense whenever people start planning events. I just want to move day-by-day. If I do anymore, I might have a heart attack. Play by ear anyone?

Funny that I’m complaining about people planning events because THERE’S A HUGE EVENT COMING MY WAY NEXT YEAR! I’m finally going back to Europa, and I’ll have new pictures to post. Not that I don’t love the ones I have, but it’s always good to just capture it all. That’ll be my motivation to continue through the night.

I noticed that I don’t use !!!!!!!!s as much as I used to. Does this mean I’m not excited as I used to be? Does this mean I’ve toned down? As a linguist, I notice these small things. I mean sure, it’s an orthographic representation and could possibly not mean much, but come on, there must be a pragmatic strategy with those !!!!!s. Why did I use them so much before? It does feel like I make a conscious effort to not use as many !!!!! in my posts on SNS.

I feel better. I can move on to work now. Thanks, WordPress.

The Twelfth Doctor

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The grounds of Pompeii. c.2008. I remembered an episode about Pompeii in Doctor Who.

This is a post dedicated to Doctor Who.

I started watching Doctor Who about a year and half ago, maybe 2 years ago. I would watch while doing my work. The program would run in the background, but most of the time I would end up paying more attention to it than my work. I started the series from the ninth doctor. I am sorry to the 1st-8th doctors; I am not familiar with any of you. However, I have fallen in love with every doctor that I have seen since, doctors 9-12. Maybe it’s because I choose to blindly follow and accept changes, but I have never had a problem with any of the doctors. You see, many people were unhappy with the 9th Doctor. They say he didn’t fit the bill very well. I thought he did a great job. I just figured it was a personality that the Doctor would encompass or represent. Everyone loved the 10th and 11th doctors, as did I. Again, I just figured those were different personalities that the Doctor would represent. Doctor 12 came along, and I am not entirely sure that everyone bought into him. I absolutely love him, though. He is an older doctor, as opposed to doctors 9-11 who were on the younger side, and he is not as positive. In fact, he is a very cynical old man. I think it’s befitting. To me, this doctor represents the bitter side and the effects from the harsh experiences that the previous doctors went through. The other doctors were hopeful and held on to faith. This doctor seems to give up on all of that. I do see that with every episode he has an internal struggle between his distrust and his wanting to trust again. Also, he needs his companion to keep him grounded and compassionate. He has flaws, and I like him! He changes things up.

I’m not sure what other opinions of the last season was, but I really enjoyed it, as I always do. The episodes were darker, but hey, the doctor goes through A LOT. Let him mope around a bit.

The new season is coming up, and it looks promising. I’d love to see the twelfth doctor around for a long time!

Accepting my lot.

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One of my favorite shots of the Baptistry in Pisa. c. 2008.

It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted. I apologize for that. Life has gotten in the way, and downtime has been filled with copious amounts of brainless activity, which include Netflix binging or drama binging. I like to think that reading subtitles forces me to do a bit more brain activity than wanted.

Now for the explanation of the title. I recently took these Comprehensive/Diagnostic Exams as a first year PhD student, and they went terribly. Terrible is an understatement of how I felt coming out of the exams. Let me explain the format of the exams.

The format:

  1. We, second year MA and first year PhD students, were told that we would have these Comprehensive/Diagnostic Exams on Monday, April 13, 2015. We were all assigned a time slot, with everyone being allotted an hour each.
  2. We were sent problem sets in three different subfields on Monday, April 6, 2015. This meant we were given a week to work out these problems. The MA students got to pick their subfields, but the PhD students were assigned the following: Phonology, Syntax, and Semantics.
  3. We were told to prepare a one sheet handout; 2 page-up and front and back could be used. We were to present the solution to the problem in front of a panel of three professors, each a specialist in each of the subfields, and each professor could ask us any question about the solution. We were told that it would be 10 minutes for presentation and 10 minutes for Q&A for each of the problem sets/subfields.
  4. When the day came, we were told otherwise. We were told that it would be a 20 minute discussion instead, with the professors be able to stop us at any point and direct us to different parts of the solution.
  5. We wait for the results.

I had been preparing for these exams for a good 5-7 days. I contemplated not coming to my oldest friend’s wedding because of the amount of stress and pressure I was under. I re-did my analysis so many times, I’m not even sure of the exact amount. I had to learn about new topics because some of the questions covered topics that weren’t even covered in class. I had an idea of what to expect coming in, but I was not prepared for what actually happened.

I was slaughtered, ambushed, attacked, and whichever violent verb you can possibly think of.

I stayed as composed as possible, but I definitely began crying once I left the room.

Thoughts and insecurities started chasing each other. Had I prepared enough? Did I spend enough time? Should I have gone to that wedding? Should I have NOT tried to sleep at all? What did I do wrong? Am I just simply not clever, creative, smart enough for any of this? Am I really not understanding any of the topics we’ve discussed in class? What is wrong with me? Why can’t I speak eloquently? You get the gist of it.

I’ve finally come to terms that I really did try my best. I prepared as much as I could with the 1 week that was given. As much as I prepared, nothing could have changed what went on in that room. Now I’m just waiting for the results. If I didn’t do well, then I’ll have to start over again, and that’s okay with me. I’ve been this patient, what’s another do-over going to do to me anyway?

On a much happier note: THE WEATHER IS AMAZING TODAY! Today’s weather reminds me of how the weather was in the picture. It was a relaxing and slow day. I really long for those days.

semester two starts next week

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Castel Sant’Angelo, roma, c. 2008 – complete with the lined bernini angels.

waltz music & music from tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker were what kept me going for my finals week during the fall 2014 semester. I went through the Nutcracker twice in one night for my semantics paper. Let me tell you, I was not confident in either my phonology or my semantics, and I think it showed for phonology. I made my first B ever as a graduate student, in my first semester in the PhD program might i add. i felt defeated for awhile, but in the end i realized that i deserved it. i let my lack of confidence get the better of me, and i let the imposter syndrome take over. i know now that if i have a question ASK, even if i think it’s super silly. and my topic? it seemed like a good idea at the moment, but now i’m confused on how to take it on. maybe i don’t really have anything, and so i’m worried about phonology. And on the topic of phonology, SCREW YOU OT! TAKE YOUR CONSTRAINTS WITH YOU!

I’ve always found it fascinating that speakers of English never use the simple present. We have tendencies to use the present perfect or present progressive (or present continuous according to the wikipedia page…what? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Present_continuous_%28English%29), but never the simple present like Spanish speakers do. Why is that?

heartbreak. not mine, but someone very close to me. is it wrong to tell the person that it’s okay to hope? i think it might be helpful to see the end better…not sure.

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the emergency post in the North End, in Boston, C. 2015. BOSTON IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CITY! i wish i had more time to explore more of the sites. a city with endless historical information and the food! James took me to Boston for my late birthday gift, and I am so happy he did. at first i was skeptical bc of the cold and the harsh winters my friend had mentioned. i didn’t mind the cold AT ALL. i was well prepared, and i think i was just too excited. the walkability is such a perk and the subway! reminded me of roma. wish i had more time.